holy week 2011

sarap umuwi ng baler, kasama ko kulit at nancy...
nag enjoy si kulit sa pag uwi namin dun halos ayaw na nga nya umahon sa dagat ng maligo kami... negro na tuloy sya.....
first time ko umuwi ng baler na hinde man lang nakainom ng kahit anong alak...:(
puro tubig lang ininum ko...:)) maski lagi ako kasama sa inuman... tubig na isang pitsel ang katapat...
nakakapanibago nga naman maski mga tropa ko ai ayaw maniwala na hinde ako uminom mula ng dumating sa baler hangat umalis ako....
nakaka isang buwan na pala ako nakatambay... 2 months na rin nakakalipas ng mag birthday ako...:)
isang buwan na rin bonding nga baga kay kulit....? :D
naghihintay lang yata ako ng trabaho... or dito na lang ako sa bahay mag work... :D
sabi ko sa mga tropa next time na lang at bawi ako sa kanila....

-neina-

Labor Hospital

kaninang umaga mga quarter to 11 ng ako ai umalis dito sa bahay para bumisita sa isang kaibigan, kabatch at dating kasintahan.....
kinakabahan ako na makita sya sa ganon kalagayan.... parang ang hirap kasi ang balitang dumatin sa akin ai grabe... pero may mga nakausap naman ako nasabi ai ok naman na kailangan na lang ng operasyon...
kahapon nga ai naoperahan sya para lagyan bakal sa baba ng kanyang mata...
mga 12pm na yata ng dumating ako sa cubao at hanapin ang hospital na pinagdalahan sa kanya... ai may binigay naman address sa akin at direksyon kung paano pumunta, ang kabatch din namin...
nakarating nga ako sa hospital at nagtanong sa guard ai tinuru naman ako sa surgical ward.... ai ang hirap pala maghanap at dami palang division dun....
dalawang beses ko tinawagan ang kabatch namin at hinde ko nga makita... at tinanong ko pa kung ano ginamit na apelido... :) sabi lang nya sa akin ai belen...
halos kalahating oras din akong nag hahanap hangan mapansin ako ng isang doctor at tinanung ako kung saan ako punta.... ang sabi ko lang ai "sa inoperahan po kahapon... si cleo dorothy belen...."
ang sabi lang sa akin ng doctor ai tanungin ko sa mga nurse sa surgical ward... sabi ko naman ai hinde nga po nila kilala ung name.... kaya tinuro niya ako sa admiting...
dali dali naman ako pumunta dun at gusto ko rin sya makita ai..... nag hintay pa ako dun ng mga 15-20mins kasi kagagaling lang sa break.....
nang makausap ko na ung nagbabantay sa admiting... dali ko tinanong ang pangalan nya.... at saka palang ako naituro kung saan area sya....
pag punta ko nga sa area ai nagtanong ako sa nurse station at naituro naman ako sa tamang kwarto....
pag pasok ko ng kwarto... natahimik lang ako.... pinagmasdan ko kung anong nangyari sa kanya.. kasalukuyan binibihisan sya... at hinde pa nga tapos at ayaw naman nya mag palagay ng damit....
hinde ako makapaniwal kasi kala ko hinde ko na sya makikita... at masaya naman ako na makita sya at malaman na ok na syan kailangan na lang nya mag pahinga...
tumabay lang ako at nakipag kwentohan sa kanyang nanay at pagminsan sa kanya at nagigising naman sya tapos tutulog... at antukin nga sya...
habang nakikipag kwentohan ako sa kanyang nanay... pinagmamasdan ko lang ang kanyang mukha... matagal na rin kami hinde nagkita ai... taon na yata...
nakakatuwang isipin at nun ko lang nakakwentuhan ang kanyang nanay.... nalulungkot lang ako at wala man lang ako maitulong....
bago ako umalis hinawakan ko kamay nya at sabi ko lang pagaling sya... hinde na nya ako maangkas sa motor nya pag nalasing ako.... pabirong sabi ko sa kanya...
saka sabi ko wag syang masungit.... tinawanan lang ako at sabi nya "hinde naman saka salamat sa pagbisita"

salamat kay red sa address na binigay nya at direction
salamat din kay ateth na nag bigay update sa akin

-neina-

people without vision --- perish ---

it was Saturday when i decided to go out with batchmate and talked for awhile...
we just eat lunch for him and then dinner for me...:)
after finishing eating we just talk some complication that i made and he just give me a drawing....
picture1
picture2
i was smile when were a talking he give me some kind of encouragement....
at that time i was thinking and thinking for the past 10 months... what happened in that 10 months actually it was lot happened specially on my life i was not able to control myself even i should...
i was beaten my desired.... and having experienced such i almost given up all i have... that was to bad to think...
i almost give up my everything for the one i love..... my only regrets is that i don't see the whole picture i just look at one side....
after that short talked with cocoy... i always looking his drawing the he made for me to understand what really is happening....
our conversation end with smile and told me that it's my choice what should i do, he just give some advice try or not to try....
i was lucky that i was able to do some of what he told.... :D
but i cannot do everything on it... i will do what i can...
it is difficult now because.... knowing that "i need to endure everything and live normal even it's not normal...."

-neina-

trip to baler

after several days here in baler....
i though that it will be the same and will be ok going back here....
i just finding something that i wan to find... seems that it is not the answer....
i'll be back again in my real world after having fun and lot of thinking....
still i have not finding a new job..."tinatamad na yata ako mag trabaho ai..."
anyway i will go back in my house i know that going to baler have lot things to happened....
she still insist that i'll be with you going to baler....:)) i wish that but it will not happened anymore....
still having hard time thinking for nothing...
still i'm lost....

-neina-

ready or not ready......

i was in the room looking at the window.... it was the same old routine that i'm doing...
always check email's and checking some picture's that i have, thinking that if i have to go back again in that time i will go the same path....
i remember when i go to dedication of my brother....
i was inspired on the testimony of AUP student that get the number 1 place on nursing board exam's...
i almost cry when she was talking and delivering her speech to the dedication ceremony....
and thinking that i was in the middle of nowhere at that time.....
i was smiling after that some reason to smile and some reason to be sad....
if being sad will give other happiness... it will be ok being sad for that person you really love...
i was sorry for what i've done... these may change everything but still i cannot handle everything... they will only see what outside me but what inside me only those who really love me see's what i'm feeling...
i may not ready for what happened... but still needed to do this...
i don't know why i'm still doing such thing that i know it will hurt people that i love....or it's just a nature of me that never been seen before....
i rather now go out and take some space... i was at home most of these week....
i was accepting everything.... that they will say because of what i've done... i know i need to face them for what i've done... but it will not change me... i already do that for a reason... and that reason it's keeping me standing...
they can take everything from me but i'm sure that my hearts is only belong to one person...... thank you for everything....
i will go out today... find some answer and hopefully i will be ok after this... i mean find myself where should i go.....

-neina-